Currently Listening A Collision By David Crowder Band see related

- - A Beautiful Collision

The breaking makes a sound I never knew could be so beautiful and loud, fury filled and we collide.  So courageous until now, fumbling and scared.  So afraid You'll find me out, alone here with my doubt.  Here it comes, a beautiful collision is happening now.  There seems no end to where You begin and there I am now You and I collide.  Something circling inside, spaciously You fly, infinite and wide, like the moon and sky collide.  Here it comes, a beautiful collision is happening now.  There seems no end to where you begin and there I am now You and I collide.  Here it comes now.

"When our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision."

I've been in a rut and I think perhaps I'm now starting to come out of it.  Most of you that know me well know that I have a tendency to ruts.  When I go to a restaurant I tend to order the same meal that I order every time I go.  If I go to a new restaurant I look for something that I know I like at other restaurants.  I like to play it safe for the most part.  I've started to bust out and try new things.  A week ago I had my hair dyed red.  Yesterday I tried sushi for the first time.  And although the hair is pretty, it's not me.  And the sushi was really nasty.  The thing I've discovered is that ruts are not necessarily a bad thing.  The one I have been in, however, was.  I had been in a rut of hating myself.  Hating my clothes, my body, my personality, my appearance.  All of these things are things that God has given me, provided for me.  I have come to realize that I have not been grateful for what God has given me and that is wrong and bad.  I must now change the way I think to realize that I need to eat better not to obtain the unrealistic anorexic appearance of celebrity but to honor my body as a temple and keep it healthy and that working out is not to become an obsession but enjoyment.  Every day I have spent on the water this summer and fall have been totally taken for granted.  I have spent hours upon hours on the river and have not taken in the beauty and power of the scenery or even my passion for rowing, but instead have focused on the width of my thighs or a jiggle on my tummy I didn't like.  That is changing and I am most grateful for the process and what I have learned thus far.  I pray that my journey continues in the right direction.

Don't even get me started on this world's current obsession with celebrity...

Currently Listening Learning to Breathe By Switchfoot see related

- The Economy of Mercy

Well, it's been awhile.  I have trouble finding things to write about anymore.  Sometimes I wonder if I should even continue to post since they are so few and far between anyways.  I like keeping up on everyone else though. 

My life has become boring, yet not.  I work all day everyday, just like a grownup should.  Work is good and I am very blessed.  I am so lucky to have a job that I enjoy.  I just keep praying that I can continue learning and keep moving up the ladder here at the office.  While work is so routine, I've tried to make my life exciting in other ways by spending time with Kyle and friends in town.  I have made myself a very busy girl by spending time with my grandparents routinely (I try to see them at least once a week now), hanging out with my dad and catching up on all the time we lost, visiting with Mom and Brian, rowing after work at least twice a week, running, having bonding time with E as much as possible, getting back into orchestra at church, playing at the Vine whenever I am asked, and catching up some lost TV time (I currently have about 4-7 shows I LOVE to watch every week, how sad is that?).  I also try to keep myself busy with projects of different sorts.  I stay a nice busy, not too busy, but just busy enough that I'm not too stressed out and not too bored.  It's nice to finally have time to relax.

Next semester I'll be heading back to classes at UofL, so I can't expect this to last too long.  Then after that it'll get really busy when I start at Spalding (hopefully).  Scary stuff.

I'm also trying some new things to try to kick me out of the spiritual rut I'm in.  Prayer would always be appreciated.

Well, it's back to work I guess...

"There's just two ways to lose yourself in this life
And neither way is safe
In my dreams I see visions of the future
But today we have today
And where will I find You?
Where will I find You?

In the economy of mercy
I am a poor and begging man
In the currency of grace
Is where my song begins
In the colors of Your goodness
In the scars that mark Your skin
In the currency of grace
Is where my song begins

These carbon shells
These fragile dusty frames
House canvases of souls
We are bruised and broken masterpieces
But we did not paint ourselves
And where will I find You?

Where was I when the world was made?  Where was I?

I'm lost without You here
Yes, I'm lost without You near
I'm lost without You here
You knew my name when the world was made"

One thing I've learned today:

SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE.

You know that kid in high school that was really nerdy and didn't have any friends but whenever spoken to responded with some sort of sexual innuendo?  That guy never changes.  He grows up to be a middle aged guy that is still nerdy as ever and still makes the innuendos.  He basically morphs from the awkward high schooler to the guy that sexually harasses you at work. 

Isn't life dandy?